your phone calls always light up my day. i am so in love with you....everything about you is SO worth loving. Know this always and forever, my darling. i feel so fortunate that you are mine and i am yours. your love is pure as driven snow. i feel like i am too sullied and scared and jaded for you. but i know you've known pain as well, and rejection and unfair bias. and so my imperfections are just a part of the person you love. as your imperfections make you who you are, which is the man i adore and love with all my heart.
i hope it is ok that i am publishing our letters in a blog. of course the names are changed....gotta protect people, innocent or otherwise. i also usually draw at least one picture in the Paint program on the laptop. the pics are crude at best, but they get the point across. i don't have a real mouse to use and so i am using the touch pad. UGH no bueno. lol (i included one i drew last week, just to show you what sort of crap i am publishing)
SO let's move on to my stories of work, because that seems to be all encompassing today for me. last week, we had a little american bulldog who was very sick. she had a non-regenerative anemia (low red cells) and wasn't eating. after days of various diagnostics, we finally got down to doing a bone marrow biopsy. this involves her being under anesthesia and we basically gouge out a cylinder of bone and marrow (bone marrow is mainly liquid, contrary to my initial assumptions before i was in medicine). long story short, she has end stage lymphoma and her owner was in spain. yeah - THAT spain. across the pond. so the owner's mom and girlfriend decide to go forward with chemotherapy. just to see if they can get her to live long enough for her owner to come home. well, she responded very well to the chemo and although she is FAR from remission (and she won't ever get there....let's be honest here)....she came in today for another dose of chemo. she was jumping around and wagging her tail and doing a little bully-dog dance. it was refreshing.
last week we placed a feeding tube in her esophagus/throat and she was being fed via the tube. her owners said she was eating and drinking very well on her own, and wanted the tube out. the doc said 'not yet' and so i went to change the bandage....and i sliced the tip of the tube off completely. this was the culmination of my shitty day/week. so we ended up having to pull the tube completely and although the owners were thrilled, i am mortified. ashamed. and i feel like a complete idiot.
so what did i do? i asked for a raise. not kidding. i emailed my supervisor and asked if i would be getting a yearly review and possibly a raise. i acknowledged my persistent 2-minute-late time stamps and all the overtime and extra projects i have done for the clinic. i mentioned the clinic's success and the fact that nobody has gotten a raise except those who have threatened to quit, and that feeds the low morale of the support staff who are always working their butts off without complaint. my supervisor emailed me back and said we will talk next week. whew.
exhusband got the call with the official offer....he will be making a lot more than before. plus more for being overseas. that's good...he should be making enough to pay the bills and save some too. whew. he and i have discussed schedule, child care, and everything we can. he will probably be gone end of august. :/ it's scary but i am looking forward to it. though now i can't have him do the dishes....the boys can. one can empty and one can load and i can do the counters. woot!
ok baby.....i need to work on that sketch a little before i forget. and i have been meaning to get some beading done and make some new jewelry. i really need to focus on that now. i love you so much....so damn much. i hate to think you are in there alone, five foot from a kill fence....without me. i wish i could sneak in and snuggle with you for a few hours. kiss you deeply and feel your tongue dance against mine. your arms wrapped around me, making me feel so safe and secure. protected and warm. sigh. oh nathan i love you.
always yours;
harley jane
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