I finally got your letters!!! (this is saved from what I wrote Tuesday) I worry about you, my love. I am aching over here in stupid Texas while you are in stupid Colorado. I did think the joke you told about the boys never going to a 'scared straight' program was funny...:) I was thinking the same thing!!
the boys are having a blast with my parents and sisters. And we just got some stunningly amazing and terrifying news today.....(exhusband) is officially offered the job in Turkey. Holy. Crap. He is drafting his resignation letter today for his old firm, and he starts at the new company July 15th. I don't know if that means he flies to Turkey in a couple weeks or if it means he is trained stateside for a few months first....I am so scared about the school year. I will be a single mom for real.....I can't rely on him for anything. Not laundry, taking kids to school/picking them up, watching them while I go to karaoke....cub scouts....oh man. i have spent that last few hours nearly engulfed in anxiety.
***************************************this is where i went to the bathroom and had my episode of excrutiating pain****then you called and made me feel better a little************i love you so fucking much*********************
I cannot wait to get your poem and all of your words in tangible form. You are in my heart always and on my mind incessantly. I ended up not going to karaoke tonight because I just wanted to snuggle with your pillow and enjoy the naughty tingles in my girly bits. It made me really wish I could derive pleasure from self stimulation and I tried - I tried SOOOO hard! *sigh* I wish you were home. So we could be intimate together. We could lie in bed and listen to the fan. Listen to the rain outside the window. Know we are safe in each others' arms. I can hear your heart beating and the air moving in and out of your lungs. I can feel you kiss the top of my head. And brush my hair away from my ear with your fingers. This is what I imagine when I am falling asleep. I also, of course, imagine that while we are snuggling and all that....that I have my hand casually stroking you. Exposing and hiding your head that is freshly coated in delicious moisture. Your gasp of excitement dances in my ears.....oh my baby i miss you and your sex. rocking my hips back and forth on you is just another highlight to the love we share. a physical manifestation of our closeness and our bond. i love you, nathan wells. i love you and everything you are. every moment of the broken road you've traveled has led you to me, and every moment of my broken road has led me to you. haha rascal flatts has a song about that. :) called the broken road. too bad you're not a country fan....some lyrics:
every long lost dream/led me to where you are/others who broke my heart / they were like northern stars / pointing me on my way / into your loving arms / this much i know is true / god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you / i think about the years i spent / just passing through / i'd like to have the time i lost / and give it back to you / but you just smile and take my hand / you've been there, you understand / it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.
I am nearly to the end of my page. :( this makes me sad, but i am also a little relieved. because it is nearly 2am. i've been suffering writer's block because of this stupid pelvic pain. the doc says i don't have any signs of illness but it putting me on an antibiotic anyway. he seems to think it's a uterine infection....and has me on doxycycline. which is used for STDs. which pisses me off, because all my tests came back negative (i am not a whore dumbass doc). My suspicion is that my IUD slipped or moved a bit when I was using the bathroom (rare, but happens) or I have diverticulitis (a weakening in my intestinal wall causing a pocket to form). I still hurt a little, but the pain diminishes by the day.
I am counting the minutes until you are home to me, my love. i don't believe you did what you are accused of. you are a better man that that - even if you weren't way back when, you are now. And that is all I care about. I know that you would never hurt me and never hurt the boys. I know that your love is true. I hope and pray that you know I am yours with all of my heart and my soul. You have helped me in so many ways, my love. so many ways. I adore you and look at your pictures daily...you keep me smiling even when i am down. because you are you - and you are honest and truly the man of my dreams.
Much love and Harlequin Kisses to you....I saw an awesome design the other day I want to sketch out and send to you as a tattoo idea - it's the Bat Symbol from the Arkham Asylum video game, but instead of a black bat...its a black and white checkered harlequin pattern.....with HARLEY in the bat symbol instead of BATMAN (see pic - bad pic but you can draw it better). hehehe I also ordered a bat symbol decal for my car window....as well as an arkham one....and a Harley and Batman chibi charm so I can make us into a necklace for me. <3 oh my sweet bat-ger....my honey bat-ger.....i love you i love you i love you. be well...!!
love always;
your harlequin girl
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